My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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