My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
