looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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