I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
