Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
