how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
