question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
