I understand Curling. That high.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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