to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
