i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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