bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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