Please, let me fuck your mom
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
