i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wish i was in the wii world.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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