wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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