you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
