you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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