fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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