I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
