he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
