Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
