WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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