I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
