Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
