And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
