fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
