I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
