apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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