if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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