He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
