Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
