haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
