turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
