I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
