R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
