I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
