i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
How's work?
Spinning.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
