if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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