epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
