Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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