The brown eye won't let me do that either.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
