dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
