I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This baby is an asshole
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
