Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
