my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
