I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
