i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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