it wasn't lemon gatorade
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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