I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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