And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I have already put on my inside pants.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
