Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
